I am morbidly obese. I don't think of myself in those terms. I prefer "fluffy", "voluptuous", "full figured", but realistically and in the eyes of my doctor, I am obese.
Weight is something I have struggled with as long as I can remember - my teens, my 20s, my 30s, and now my 40s. I have tried to lose weight through most every method known over the last 30 years. Between high school and college, I made a very concentrated effort to lose weight and was successful. Then in college I had the first of my 4 children. The 25 pounds I lost were gained back as I gained 60 pounds with my son and in spite of the over 9 lb boy he was, I never lost those 60 lbs. I have 4 children now and with each child over the years, there was more weight gained that was never really lost.
Now here I sit in my mid 40's (that was a hard number to write!) and my weight had been relatively stable within 10 - 15 pounds over the last several years. I have ignored the "obese" term even when the onset of weight related illnesses started to appear. Diabetes, high blood pressure, sore back, asthma... My absolutely wonderful primary has been suggesting surgery for years and I've blithely ignored his suggestion for "let me try this one more thing...".
Maybe it's the mid 40's thing, maybe it's the realization that I want to live to see my grandchildren (none at this time), maybe it's realizing my own mortality as I see more and more grey hair appear. I'm not fully aware really of why this is rumbling in my mind, but I have been considering the surgical option more and more.
This week I've made the decision to pursue surgery to help get control of my weight. HUGE decision!!!!!! Not one I've taken lightly at all either. I've talked to my husband who is supportive of the decision.
I talked to my primary doctor today about this decision. I think he did an admirable job of containing his joy at this decision. I know he had to be doing happy dance in his head. He was also quite wonderful and drew up some examples of the 3 types of weight loss surgery and gave me his opinion on what the right one for me should be. He took quite a bit of time with me to go through the different options and the risks and complications. And then he sent me on my way with a referral to a bariatric surgeon. Before I started to second guess or overthink (something I'm very prone to doing) it, I called the number of the doctor.
The person who made the appointment was also quite wonderful. She explained that the doctor does prefer that new patients go through the orientation but the next one wasn't until mid August. I am the type of person who very thoroughly researches all things medical so I've already done a ton of research. I know there are going to be other specialist appointments before I'm cleared. I know insurance will have to approve it before any surgery can be scheduled (considering my health history, they will probably be as gleeful as my primary doctor to approve it), I know it's 2 weeks of a liquid diet before and who knows how many weeks after suegery. I explained the amount of research I've already done and she made the appointment.
So next Monday, July 22, I take the next step in this journey. It will be hard at times and it will get frustrating at times. I'm starting this blog partly to serve as a journal of my progress to help keep me moving forward and also as an accountability tool.
I'll end with my new personal motto. "I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday." (Eleanor Roosevelt) I love this quote on soooo many different levels. To apply it to this new decision,my choices in the past have led me to the health I am in but the choice I made yesterday (since it's now after midnight my time) will help make me be an even better and most importantly healthier person.
Rae
